Please think of me in the next week or so...

Okay...I usually like to keep things private like this but quite frankly, right now I could use all the prayers I can get. So as most of you have seen on my blog or talk to me personally, you know that Josh and I have been trying so hard to have another baby for over a year now. Since becoming a more Christian person, I have learned to "try" not to get disappointed with the outcome because it is in His hands. However, sometimes this is really tough. Before Leighton, Josh and I were young and were brought one with something very serious. I was having pain all day and didn't know what it was. After a few hours and the pain was only getting worse, my mother rushed me to the ER. After doing several tests, they come in to tell me that I'm pregnant...wow...(at 18 remind you) I felt very uncomfortable because my mom was in there and I knew I disappointed her. After having an hour to get used to the idea and Josh arriving at this time, we were then told I was having an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy and it needed to be removed ASAP because my life was in danger. WOW...I was sooo scared. They said a few more hours they didn't know if I could've made it because my tube would've probably burst by then. I had no clue I was pregnant...none at all. So that was pregnancy number one. Two years later we were overjoyed and scared when we found out we were pregnant again. The appointments were very nervwracking! And we have been blessed with one beautiful little boy. A year ago we decided to try again thinking that it would probably take a while. We found out in December that we were expecting and that we conceived on Leighton's birthday (Nov 30:) I was trying not to get my hopes up because I knew the possibilities. However, we were hopeful because I ovulated on my left side (my good side). Christmas Eve I started bleeding but it was still too early to look. 5 weeks along...ultrasound...nothing:( All I could do was cry and pray. I know that He has a plan for me and it's just not time yet. I still think it's frustrating and stressful. So now with two tubal pregnancies (one on each side)and one beautiful little man, my chances have gone down some. As we are back on fertility and the shots...still nothing. We are trying artificial insemination next week. Although, it still has a chance to be a tubal because it has to travel through my tubes to get to where it needs to be, but at least we know it's getting there:) We are very anxious and hopeful that we get pregnant soon so it will be in the summer and I will have graduated...yeah!! I know I can't be picky...I will take a beautiful baby any time but that would just be nice. Like I said, I normally don't share this because...well just because. I know that I need to open my heart up and let Him in so that He can do what's best for me. I struggle with spending my time with Him of a day. I need to take just a little time to thank Him for what He has given me rather than asking Him to do something all the time. I struggle so badly with this and I hope to get better soon. I talk to Him a lot but it's usually just asking Him something or thanking Him for a very beautiful day again. He needs more than that though...So please ladies, just say a prayer for my family. If I don't get pregnant okay...help me deal with that but if I do, pray for a healthy and safe pregnancy and baby! Thank you all in advance.